The first holiday season after a divorce is sure to be emotionally charged, bringing unique challenges for you and your children. Balancing traditions, navigating family dynamics, and managing the holidays post-divorce can be confusing and overwhelming. With clear expectations and a few proactive steps, you can make this season be a meaningful, positive experience for yourself and your children and set the tone for future holidays.
1. Prioritize Open Communication
One of the best ways to prepare for the first post-divorce holidays is to “set the table” with open communication. Talk with your co-parent about how you envision the holidays unfolding. This could include coordinating schedules, sharing plans, and setting clear boundaries to help you both feel more comfortable. Solidifying your holiday plans and schedules ahead of time avoids last-minute surprises. (Holiday surprises are great, just not this kind.)
Discussing with your co-parent and children the holiday traditions you want to keep will provide consistency for yourself and your children. Some families find it helpful to maintain certain traditions. You might prefer to simplify or bring in new traditions that you never had a chance to try. Being upfront and transparent about these choices puts you and your co-parent on the same page (or at least in the same book) and helps your children enjoy a calm and stress-free holiday.
2. Create Realistic Expectations
It’s natural to want the first post-divorce holidays to feel “perfect,” especially for your kids. But a Hallmark holiday is not what your children want – they will instead be looking for time with you! Embracing flexibility and setting realistic expectations for yourself and your children reduces the holiday pressure. Shift your focus to quality time and shared experiences.
Let your children know things will be a little different, and it doesn’t mean they won’t have a joyful, meaningful holiday season with lots of love from both parents. Simple gestures like baking cookies together, decorating, and picking presents together for other family members can go a long way in creating a warm, memorable holiday.
3. Support Emotional Needs
For parents and children, the first set of post-divorce holidays will bring up a variety of emotions. Sadness, confusion, and frustration are common feelings as you all adjust to your new family dynamic. Encourage your kids to share their feelings openly, creating a safe space and reassuring them that it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions. Listening without judgment and validating their feelings will help your children – and you – feel supported and understood.
There’s a reason the airlines say to put the oxygen mask on yourself first! You should also acknowledge your emotions and find healthy ways to express and process them. Lean on your friends, family members, or your therapist or counselor – and not your children – to work through your own feelings. Taking care of yourself emotionally makes you better equipped to create a positive first post-divorce holiday experience for yourself and your children.
4. Focus on the Positives
This holiday season will look different, but it also gives you a chance to establish meaningful traditions that your family can cherish for years to come. Some families find comfort in keeping certain traditions for continuity. Others embrace new activities that better suit their new circumstances. You might decide to do some of both – create a new holiday recipe together, organize a seasonal holiday outing, or establish a tradition like a movie marathon.
Look at this holiday season through new eyes. Take time to recognize the positives and embrace the unique opportunities of the holiday season. This can make you and your children feel more hopeful and excited. Remind yourself and your kids that your new holiday scenario can lead to brand new experiences filled with joy.
5. Stay Focused on the Bigger Picture
Take a moment every day and remember your overarching goal: Creating a holiday season where you and your children feel loved, safe, and supported. The easiest way to do this is to set aside any lingering tensions with your co-parent and get laser focused on what’s best for your kids. Setting your intentions towards this goal each and every day during this holiday season can be your biggest gift to yourself and your children.
Your post-divorce life is a brand new beginning for you, your co-parent, and your children. By taking steps to prepare mentally, logistically, and emotionally, you can make this holiday season a time of connection, comfort, and joy for you and your family. It’s natural to experience a mix of emotions, but remember that you have the power to make the season bright by opening communications, setting realistic expectations, supporting yourself and each other emotionally, and staying laser focused on what’s best for your children this holiday season.
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